This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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