Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
