I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
