Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
