She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize