Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she looked like the before picture.
she told me i tasted like america
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize