Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize