i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
