"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we should paint friendship bongs
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