I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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