I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
