i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
