Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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