i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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