I wannas sexs uuuuu
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
