Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
