He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
