tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
