i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
