yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
