So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
