Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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