Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
