their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Randomize