so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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