I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
