just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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