My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
