Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
