I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
And then he peed in my hair
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