they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
