I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
COCAINE IS GR8
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
