Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
