Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
