Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
