Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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