i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
