I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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