it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
