Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
