Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
