Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I wish there were birth control emojis
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
