yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
