so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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