oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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