that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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