The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
