I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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