I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
