i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
