Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize