remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
