WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
