Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
