White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
