FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
handjob tips. give me some.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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