Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i think i have two assholes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
