About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
