Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You ate ashes out of my bong
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
