You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
