Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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