shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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