I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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