matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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