I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm at about main and main street
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
