I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
How external is "for external use only"?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
