So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
