life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
