it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Congratulations! We have a period
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