Already got asked if we're dating
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
His nipple licking is glorious
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