her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
