I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
