They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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