After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
