I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
