We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
